The Insane Fangirl
by Jadespade
Summary: Tintin yawned and opened the door, hoping it wasn't Jolyon Wagg again. Nothing could have prepared him for who was standing there.


Tintin was not with the Captain and Snowy for their morning walk because he wasn't feeling too well. Nestor was out shopping. Thus, Tintin was the only one in the house. The doorbell rang, breaking the silence of the early morning. Tintin yawned and opened the door, hoping it wasn't Jolyon Wagg again. Nothing could have prepared him for who was standing there.

A girl who looked about 15 years old with tiger-printed bra and panties and whipped cream pasted all over her naked body looked up at Tintin with a strange intensity. Before Tintin could say anything, the girl lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and passionately kissing his lips, making them both collapse to the floor.

"MMPH!" Tintin's muffled scream of surprise was drowned out by the girl's ramblings.

"Rawr!" the girl said playfully, stroking Tintin's hair, "I am a tiger, and I can't wait to get my paws all over you! Lick the cream off me!"

"Great snakes! Get off of me!" Tintin tried unsuccessfully to shove the crazy fangirl off of him without hurting her in the process.

"Heh, heh." the girl laughed in a high-pitched voice, pinning Tintin to the wall. "Great snakes! I'm going to _slither _in your bed, if you know what I mean."

Tintin tried to say something, but he was cut off by another kiss to the lips. Her fingers traced a trail from his shoulders to _down there. _Tintin slapped her hands; this was going _way too far. _"Who are you? Get off me!"

"I'm Kitty, and I'm your future wife! Rawr!" she said. "We're going to have a lot of kids together, starting now!"

"No! Stop it!" Tintin yelled.

"Your newspaper articles are so _interesting_! I have every cut-out of your pictures on my wall so that I can wake up to see your handsome face!" Kitty kissed Tintin again as his arms waved wildly as he struggled to release her grip. "You're so brave, Tintin. You need a fiesty girl, like me!" She batted her eyelashes and shook her wild blonde hair.

Tintin started panicking when Kitty began unhooking her bra. "I've been taught," he said as he did his best to hold the fangirl off of him, "to not hurt girls, but I'm getting really close to doing so if you don't get off!"

"Yes!" Kitty grinned. Tintin was surprised when she actually stopped holding Tintin down and got off of him. But then she kneeled down, sticking her tiger-striped panty-covered butt at Tintin's face. "I'm a sneaky tiger that likes it rough. Spank me!" she said huskily.

"What are you talking about?" Tintin said, his innocent mind failing to comprehend why this crazy girl wanted Tintin to hurt her. He started running but slipped on some cream on the floor. Kitty laid herself on top of him, stroking his quiff with adoration. Tintin felt extremely creeped out.

"You're such a gentleman, Tintin." Kitty said, kissing Tintin's forehead. "But I can handle the pain, honey. We're meant for each other!"

"NO. WE'RE. NOT! I'M MARRIED!" Tintin lied, hoping she would take the bait.

Kitty's brown eyes widened in shock. "You are?" Her eyebrows furrowed in suspicion. "You don't have a ring."

"If word got out, she would be in danger." Tintin said in mock sadness.

"WHERE IS SHE?" Kitty yelled in anger, her eyes slits of fury. "I'M GOING TO _KILL_ HER!"

Tintin stared at her in shock at the transformation of the doting fangirl to the raging beast that was now glaring daggers at him. "I'm not telling you!" Tintin said as he made a mad dash for the door.

Kitty tackled him down with surprising strength. "You don't need her. We can be together, you and I. It's so noble to remain so loyal to your wife, but we can make a baby. She'll never be able to deny our love, the stupid slut!"

"Hey! Don't call her that!" Tintin said indignantly even though he didn't actually have a wife.

"Oh, but she _is _a slut." Kitty said. She suddenly moved Tintin's sweater up. "Oh, you have such sexy abs. Sizzling hot, mmm!" She rubbed her cheek on Tintin's abdomen.

"Stop!" Tintin said as he pushed her off of him, feeling extremely violated.

"Don't try to deny it." Kitty said, her eyelashes fluttering as she looked up at Tintin. "A man has needs that need to be fulfilled. I can do that."

"And I need you to GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"

Kitty suddenly slapped Tintin. "You're... going... to LOVE ME!" Tintin put a hand over the red mark that had formed on his cheek. Kitty grabbed his hand and kissed the bruise.

"STOP VIOLATING MY PERSONAL SPACE!" TIntin yelled as he tried wriggling out of Kitty's grasp.

"Blistering barnacles, what is going on here?" Captain Haddock said as he walked up the driveway. Never had Tintin been happier to see him.

"CAPTAIN! GET THIS INSANE GIRL OFF OF ME!" Tintin yelled.

Kitty snarled when she saw the Captain. "Don't worry, dearie," Kitty said lovingly to Tintin, who was lying in a dazed heap in a pool of whipped cream on the floor, "we'll have time for fun later."

Suddenly, an ambulance drove over to the mansion and stopped. "There she is!" a woman in a nurse suit yelled as she pointed at Kitty. "Get the straitjacket!"

Kitty yelled, "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! HE'S MINE!" and tried to run, but was hit by a tranquilizer dart.

"I'm so very sorry," someone apologized, "she managed to escape from the asylum and we were looking for her for days." The ambulance left, taking the screaming fangirl with it.

"Is... is she gone?" Tintin asked.

"Yep. Who was that?" Captain Haddock asked.

"She was some obsessed girl named Kitty. She wanted to have my babies and spank her." Tintin shuddered as he looked around at the cream-covered room from their scuffle.

"And you said no?" Captain Haddock asked in shock. "Oh wait, she looked like a teenager, never mind." Captain Haddock looked disgusted. "What's wrong with this generation? Seriously! Teenagers act like obsessed sluts now!"

"I don't know why!" Tintin said as he tried to forget the traumatic experience. "I'm not dating anytime soon, that's for sure!"


End file.
